Category Archives: motherhood

bumpdate | 24 weeks

I think I’ve reached a point in this pregnancy where I’m getting bored with it. I’m past the part where everything is new again, and there isn’t a whole lot to really look forward to (besides a baby at the end, but, you know, no ultrasounds or anything exciting like that). I guess I get to do my glucose test and get to have a tetanus shot in 5 weeks, so that’s something to look forward to. Yippee!

But generally, things are pretty much the same day-to-day around here. I think I’ve moved on from most of my cravings (we’re back to no chicken in the house, because it was really more work than it was worth). I guess I have a few favorite things that have been my go-to lately, but I wouldn’t really call them cravings. Mostly it’s things that sound refreshing like raspberry lemonade, fruit with yogurt and granola (homemade yogurt and homemade granola, because nothing compares, ever), and toast with cream cheese (or quark) and pickles. I guess you could technically count that last one as a weird pregnancy craving, since it was another pregnant friend’s craving that sparked my interest, and I probably never would have found the combination appealing had I not been pregnant.

One thing I’m a bit disappointed about is my hair. I really can’t remember if my hair grew a lot with T or not, but this time around I don’t think I’m benefitting from the extra estrogen. Maybe it’s because we’re having a girl and she’s taking all the estrogen I have. I really don’t know what the problem is. What I do know is this: the biggest pregnancy side-affect I was looking forward to was my hair growing and other than my hair seeming to expand outward, it doesn’t seem to grow in length. I’ve always had super thick hair, but this is ridiculous. I just got it cut last month and I already feel it needs to be thinned out again. I feel like I have a huge bird’s nest on my head. It also seems to be really oily. Like I didn’t manage to get all the shampoo out or something. It’s really starting to drive me nuts and I don’t know what to do about it. Most days I just pull it half up and hope nobody cares. However, I care, so I’m pretty frustrated about it.

I think it’s probably fair for me to say that running isn’t going to happen much anymore. Between bad weather and being sick for what seemed like forever, I just never got back into it. Now, it’s just not part of my daily routine. I never think about it and when I do, it’s always at a time when I don’t actually have the time to fit it into my schedule. I know I stopped running with T when I was just about 5 months along, so I’ve already made it past that point (barely). I feel good enough that I could run if I wanted to; it’s just getting past that mental block and actually doing it that I’m having trouble with. It’s not very interactive either, so it’s a lot easier for me to justify biking to the park with T than running around the neighborhood.

On the less negative side of things, besides occasionally being tired (which is typically due to how well I slept the night before or how hard I push myself) I feel really good! I think I feel better this time around than I did with T. I’m pretty sure a lot of that has to do with how active I am. With T, I didn’t have much of a reason to get up early, or do anything physically demanding most days. Expecting to sit on the couch all day now is a bit of a joke! Especially since the weather is so nice we have no reason to stay inside all day. I feel better the more I get out and do something.

I’m still going to yoga every week and biking as much as I can. I have definitely noticed that I’m getting slower on my bike, especially when I have to take the trailer with me, which is most of the time. Little hills can seem like mountains, and I will often go out of my way to avoid them. Paul recently put new handlebars on my bike, giving me a more upright position. It feels a little strange having cruiser-style handlebars on a mountain bike, but it’s taken a lot of pressure off my back and given me more room as I expand forward.

I’m looking forward to Mother’s Day this weekend! I don’t know exactly what our plans our, but Paul’s parents are coming into town, so we’ll probably do something fun :)

24 hours all to myself

big bed part 3: no more kisses

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So, here’s something I wasn’t anticipating when we moved T to a bed: big kids don’t like to give their mamas kisses.

I don’t know where he picked up this concept, because we don’t hang out with anyone over the age of 2. But I’m pretty sad about it.

It used to be that we would sit in the rocking chair and read before bed and after the last book I’d ask him for a hug and a kiss and he’d have no problem giving them up. But now we can’t even read the final book because as soon as he sees it he says, “nap” and climbs off our laps to run to bed. He’s so excited about taking a “nap” that he’s forgotten about me completely.

And I don’t want to complain, because I’m so, so, so grateful that the bed situation has resolved itself and that he’s actually excited to go to bed. But that hug and kiss were more for me than for him. Now he actually tells me to stop and pushes me away! Of course I ignore him because I am his mother and I will kiss him until the day I die, but it is a little hurtful to hear.

I think I’ll try reading to him in bed instead of the rocking chair. We thought we wouldn’t shake up his routine too much when he started liking the bed again, just in case it was a fleeting thing, so we haven’t tried reading in bed too much.

I guess it’s my own fault for wanting one part of him to grow up, but expecting the rest of him to remain my baby. The next one is staying in the crib until college ;)

motherhood defined by grilled cheese

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This might sound like a weird metaphor or analogy or whatever you call it, but I define motherhood by my ability to make a good grilled cheese sandwich.

And so far, I’m failing T. I can not make a grilled cheese sandwich to save my life. My mom doesn’t really like to cook, but I always remember eating really good grilled cheese sandwiches and cream of mushroom soup as a kid (a weird combination, I know, but I think my siblings and I didn’t like tomato soup…but yet we liked cream of mushroom? Anyway…). I remember her grilled cheese sandwiches being what they’re supposed to be: just the right amount of grilled, not burned, with melty cheese on the inside that does that whole stringy thing when you pull the slices apart.

Maybe it’s my cheese choice. I know my mom used Kraft singles or something similar, and I don’t. Real cheese doesn’t melt the same way. But Paul thinks he figured out a way to counter that problem: microwave the sandwich before you grill it. Somehow it works for him, but not for me.

What it really boils down to is patience. I completely lack the patience to slowly grill my sandwich until it’s to that perfect golden color. Nope I’m a turn on the burner to medium high and forget to flip the sandwich in time kind of mom. Maybe this is how my mom handled four kids – she had patience. I’ve known since I was pretty young that four kids was way more than I could handle.

OK, no, I don’t really believe that motherhood is defined by how we make grilled cheese sandwiches. However, patience is a virtue and maybe it’s one I don’t have enough of. That doesn’t make me a bad mom. I think I’m doing a pretty good job so far. And if grilled cheese is my only problem, then really what’s there to worry about?

And just so you know, that’s my grilled cheese up there. T’s actually turned out pretty well and wasn’t burned at all. Also, that’s not canned soup up there either. However, the soup didn’t turn out as well as when Paul makes it. Maybe he’s a better mom than I am :)

big bed part 2: my kid constantly amazes (and frustrates) me

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I wrote this post, and rewrote this post at least five times. I’ve had 12 different titles. I don’t even know where to begin anymore. It’s going to be a long post, that I do know. And I apologize for the blurry pictures.

I knew nap time would be our biggest challenge in transitioning T to a bigger bed. He’s a great sleeper, but even in his crib, nap time can be a struggle. Some days he will play for an hour or more before finally falling asleep. I knew the freedom of the big bed would cause some extra challenges. The first day he did not nap. I just wanted to see how it would go, so I put him to bed and left the room like I normally would if he were in his crib. He played around and we put him back to bed a number of times before I decided to try taking a nap with him. Eventually, I gave in and let him tear his room apart. It wasn’t so much that I had given up for the day, but that I wanted to know what distracted him so I could get it out of his reach in the future. The next day I tried a different strategy. I told him he needed to have “quiet time”, put things I didn’t want him playing with out of his reach, and left. I knew he was up shortly after I left his room and after about 15 minutes I put him back to bed. After 10 minutes of repeatedly putting him back to bed, he finally stayed there. I stayed in his room for another 10 minutes before I decided to leave and grab my phone. Of course, he got out of bed while I was out. I went back in, put him back in bed for probably the 10th time, and sat there until he fell asleep at 2:00 (the time I had decided we’d quit this whole thing and start again the next day, and a full 2 hours after I started). At first I was against staying in his room with him because he isn’t used to me being there. However, on Tuesday when I sat on his floor until he fell asleep (this is one of the methods Super Nanny suggests, although I’m sure I didn’t follow her rules exactly), I was surprised and very hopeful that this could work.

Last Wednesday is when it all fell apart. At nap time I decided to stay in his room right from the start. Every time he crawled out of bed I put him back. I did this for an hour before I decided that it was day three of me not getting a nap, and put him in his crib to nap. I’m sure I gave up too early, but I kept thinking how I only had to put him back to bed 10 or 11 times the day before. That was the really frustrating part, because I’ve always heard that it’s supposed to get easier each time, not harder. He played in his crib for a while and finally fell asleep, but only slept for about 45 minute

Putting him in his crib at nap time was the wrong thing to do, because he did not want to sleep in the big bed at bedtime that night. I put him down and everything seemed fine, but then we heard him knocking at his door. I put him back to bed and this time he lost it and came to his door crying. When I went in the third time he pointed to his crib, and when I put him in it he was asleep before I was out the door.

Nap time since we let him back in his crib has been hit or miss. It doesn’t matter if he’s in his bed or his crib; he might nap or he might not. There’s no consistency. Saturday night he insisted on sleeping in his bed, so that’s where we put him and he was fine. That was after a day of not napping.

On Sunday I thought I’d try ignoring him completely. He wanted to take a nap in his bed, so I tried putting him there and not putting him back to bed. I took a nap on the couch while he played quietly for about an hour, and finally fell asleep in his bed.

Monday, I tried putting him down for his nap a little early, because we had a busy afternoon ahead of us. I talked him through it as I always do, and he acted like he wanted to take a nap, but he didn’t. Tuesday, he didn’t even want to read and was asleep in 15 minutes.

Really, I’m fine with it if he wants to just have some “quiet time” in his room before going to sleep. If he decided to give up his nap I’d be OK with that too. I just don’t think he’s ready for that yet. I also know I can’t be in his room fighting him to stay in bed for hours at a time. I need a break from him too.

I will also say, that we probably sprung a lot of things on T all at once, which probably didn’t help. Bringing his bed into his room was a big change, and we had to rearrange his room to do so. We eventually took his changing table out of his room and moved the tipi into his room. It was necessary for us to do that because he was playing with his diapers too much, but I think he thought we were getting rid of all his things. Once he became accustomed to his changing table being in our bedroom he was suddenly more open to sleeping in his bed.

On a positive note, T amazes me so much! I think moving his changing table into our room actually helped too. Whenever we take him in there and sees our bed he says “mama, nap” and I think he started associating our bed with his bed. In the end moving to the big bed was his decision and I think that was the biggest accomplishment. Even if it is hit-or-miss most days.

big bed part 1: bedtime

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It’s been two nights since we moved T out of his crib and into a big bed. It’s a bit early to do so, but I wanted to give it a shot. We had a week where I knew T’s nap wouldn’t be interrupted and I thought it would be good to tackle the transition before I’m so huge I pass out just thinking of putting him down for a nap. I figured if it didn’t work we could go back to the crib and try again this summer.

Before I get into everything, I will say this: T is a great sleeper. You can hate me for it, but he really is, and I can’t take much credit for it. It just happened. Naps are where we’ve always struggled, but in general he has no trouble going to bed.

I knew nap time would be our issue, but I was really surprised how well bed time went, so I wanted to talk about each one separately. It helped that he was pretty tired on the first night (although I’m not sure why, because we didn’t do anything special to wear him out). Before dinner we brought his bed (just a full-size mattress on the floor) into his room and put it in the same place his crib had been. We didn’t follow the advice I read online and kept his crib in his room, because it’s a pain to take down and we weren’t sure how this would all go down. We also moved everything that would be tempting for T to play with (mostly his books and clothes) into his closet.

We kept his bedtime routine exactly the same, except we read in bed instead of in the rocking chair. The whole time I explained that he sleeps in the big bed now. He was a little upset when I turned off the light, but I think it was because I usually give him a hug and a kiss before turning the light off, so I think he was confused at first.

We didn’t hear a sound from him, so I think he must have snuck down when I was leaving the room, because when I checked on him before we went to bed he was like this:

Thankfully, he went back to bed with no problems. The first night he took a couple tumbles out of bed. Both times he crawled back into bed, but was sitting up and half asleep when I checked on him. The second night I made sure to put pillows on the edge of his bed and that helped. (I’ve also heard that you can put pool noodles under the sheets, but it’s not really pool season in Iowa, so I don’t think Target has any right now.) He only woke up once the second night, cried for a few seconds, and fell back asleep. He usually doesn’t wake up every night like that, but if he wakes up, that’s usually the most we hear from him.

Paul’s been getting him up in the morning and each day he’s been sitting in his bed playing. Tonight is Paul’s first night putting T down to bed and I’m crossing my fingers that this won’t have too much affect (and that my posting this won’t jinx everything either). So far, bedtime hasn’t been too difficult and it’s giving me hope that we’ll be able to move the crib soon!

weaning…

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I may have just nursed my baby for the last time. It makes me sad to write that. I feel like I just made peace with our breastfeeding relationship and now it’s over.

In February Paul and I will be taking a much-needed vacation (read: ALONE). T will be with his grandparents while we are away and I thought it would be good if he were weaned by then. It’ll serve two purposes: first, my in-laws won’t have to worry about “nursing” him or be the ones to wean him (they’ve already done that with their own kids and it didn’t seem fair to make them do that with mine). And second, I can leave T without feeling guilty. There’s no way I’ll be 100% guilt-free on the trip, but it would probably be a huge factor.

And at the moment, he only nurses once a day (at nap time). We cut out his morning and bedtime nursing sessions months ago, but nap time stuck around. I always felt that it was the easiest way to get him to sleep and he still asked for it. For awhile there were days he didn’t even want to read, but would tug at my shirt as soon as we sat in his rocking chair.

But now it’s hit or miss. He never asks for it. Occasionally he gets confused when looking for my bellybutton, but it’s clear he’s not looking to nurse. Some days when I nurse him at nap time he will fall asleep within minutes, but other days he lingers; playing with my hair or my necklace and smiling up at me, clearly not eating. On those days I never know if his nap will last, or even happen really.

So we decided we would try to wean T at Christmas. We’ll be with my family, so there will be plenty of relatives around to put him down for his nap. And if it doesn’t seem to be working and I have to step in and nurse him it will be fine. It won’t be the end of the world if he’s not weaned by February.

I don’t want the process to be hard on him. I am fine weaning him when he makes the choice to, but there are benefits to weaning him at 15 months instead of 2 or 3 years. Being able to explain things to an older baby would be nice, but at this time I think it will be harder on me, really. He’s already proven that he is capable of going to sleep on his own.

I’m almost glad, though, to be weaning him on my own terms. I’ve been given a bit of time to wrap my head around what we’re losing. Tuesday was when it really hit me that our time together was so limited. For the last 4 days I’ve cherished each of our nursing sessions; letting him linger when he wants to, holding him a bit tighter when he’s fallen asleep. These are the moments with T, while he’s still my baby, that I know I’ll never get back.

merry christmas to me (well, maybe)

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I am a mom of a 14 month-old. I have no shame in saying the word “poop”. I’m just warning you.

As of Christmas 2012 we have made it 15 months (give or take a few weeks in the beginning and a few for traveling) using cloth diapers. We’ve used them just about every day at home and even while traveling. But I think I’ve had all I can take of cloth diapers and I’m ready to switch to disposables.

If I could have one thing for Christmas this year, I think that switching to disposable diapers would be it. However, Paul sees it differently. His point of view is mostly a financial one. Switching from cloth to disposable would cost a lot, and I totally understand that reasoning. So for now we’re a bit up in the air as to the best solution. Here’s my opinion on the matter.

I love, love, love the idea of cloth diapers. First of all, I love that they saved us a ton of money during T’s first year. I love that they reduce waste. I love how cute T looks in his cloth diapers. Trust me, his super puffy, bright green butt is so much cuter than his saggy boring paper butt. (I read a ton of cloth diapering reviews before I bought ours and that was one of the negative reviews of cloth diapers – that babies have more of a butt when they wear them. I’m sorry, but that’s just silly. Anyway…)

But, this mama has been beaten by her cloth diapers and neither she nor the washing machine can handle another load.

There are basically two things I’m tired of: the stink and the leaks.

The stink: T has had some pretty powerful diapers in his time. Some that I would call violently stinky. Somehow sweet potatoes don’t always stay so sweet. Sorry. Before he started solid foods it wasn’t much of a problem. Actually, it was kind of nice. He only pooped once a week, and it was gross, but it didn’t stink as bad as they do now. And since it was only once a week, we just made sure that we would do a load of diapers right after he pooped and we were able to avoid most of the stinky poop situations.

Now, it’s just bad. We don’t want the cat (or T really) going into his room during the day too much, so we keep his door shut. Therefore, the stink lingers in there all day until we wash the diapers at night (which we’ve been doing every night for awhile now). I’ve been told it’s not that noticeable; however, I hate going into his room because of it.

Then there’s the leaking. I was kind of expecting that a bit. Cloth diapers just aren’t as good as disposables at holding liquid. I knew I would have to change his diaper more often than I would if we used disposables. But every hour? I know my kid pees a lot, but that’s pretty ridiculous.

We did buy FuzziBunz, even though they had mixed reviews, so really that could be the biggest issue. And I’ve tried adjusting them (we have the One-size kind so they’re adjustable), doubling up the inserts, trying different inserts, striping them, washing them every day, and nothing really works. Those things seem to help for a bit, but then they leak again.

We have another kind as well that seem to work a little better than the FuzziBunz. I don’t even know what the brand is. We bought them really cheap off of Ebay and they’re from China, so I’m not exactly excited to buy more of those. However, they seem to leak less than the FuzziBunz. For a long time they were just too big for T, so we only used them at night.

So, I’m not sure what the best solution is. I went ahead and packed up the FuzziBunz to save for the next kid. They seemed to work better when T was little and didn’t pee so much. I don’t exactly want to get more of the Chinese diapers (or any other kind of diaper either really), but the leaking and the stinking is driving me nuts. And I know the stinking won’t really go away even with disposables, unless he stops pooping altogether; however, I don’t think that’s a healthy alternative. I know we won’t be saving any money by using disposables, but we’d save a little on our decrease in laundry, and my brain won’t explode.

Oh, maybe I should just potty train him. Maybe that would be easier ;)

how pinterest has ruined motherhood for me

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Last week, a tipi fell on my head. I’ll explain in a minute.

I am a stay-home-mom. I’m not ashamed of that. There are days I love it, and days I don’t, but in general, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, Pinterest is ruining everything for me.

I don’t think I had a particularly unique childhood. My mom can sew, but going above and beyond following a pattern wasn’t exactly her thing. She also had 4 kids, so I think as long as we were all still alive by the time my dad came home from work she could call her day a success.

And I don’t think I’m much different from many other first-time parents. I want to raise T with an appreciation for hard work and to teach him to take pride in the things he makes for himself. So, I’ve been trying to make a lot of things for him instead of buying them.

I often get compliments on the things I’ve made for T, but whenever someone says “you’re so creative, I’d never be able to come up with that idea”, I cringe. And then I have to explain that it’s not me; I got the idea from Pinterest.

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Because, I’m not that creative. I’m buying into someone else’s creativity. Pinterest is a great place to find ideas and inspiration. But the flip side is an obsessive need to “pin” and create everything. It’s all right there, and it looks so easy.

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There is no way I’ll be able to provide my kids with this picture perfect homemade Pinterest lifestyle. There are women out there who can throw together a homemade wonderland for their kids in an afternoon. Good for them! I, however; am finding out that I am not one of them.

I decided to quit being a Pinterest Mommy. The final straw was when the tipi fell on my head while I was trying to put it up. If you’ve spent any time on Pinterest, you’ve probably seen a zillion pins of different tipis or play tents. Tipis and chalkboard walls are the Easy Bake Ovens and Light Brights of my childhood. They’re everywhere on Pinterest and it seems like no child’s life is complete without them.

The thing is, all the time I spent working on the tipi was time I could have spent with T (well, most of it was done during nap time, but still). And there’s really no reason T needed the tipi right now. I got caught up in this ideal world I found on Pinterest and decided that I should just do it. Because then it will be done and we can start enjoying it now and it will be one less thing on my to-do list.

Pinterest isn’t solely to blame; I have to take responsibility for being a bit high-strung sometimes and insisting on things being done the instant I see the idea. I’m going to stop spending so much time planning the perfect world for T to live in. Instead I’ll be spending my time with T, going back to childhood basics, and teaching him creativity with pillows and blankets like my mom did when I was a kid. Because really all he needs is a mom who will play with him.

run.bobbie.run

Category Archives: motherhood

bumpdate | 24 weeks

24 hours all to myself

big bed part 3: no more kisses

motherhood defined by grilled cheese

big bed part 2: my kid constantly amazes (and frustrates) me

big bed part 1: bedtime

weaning…

merry christmas to me (well, maybe)

how pinterest has ruined motherhood for me

entering tantrum season

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